This article almost didn’t get written. I thought the guys I knew would willingly share what they wished their wives or girlfriends would change, but I was met with responses like: “Is this for blackmail purposes?” “No way!” “Are you insane?”
I even begged my husband to weigh in, but he who usually has an opinion on everything shook his head and said, “I am not going to answer that because YOU are my wife. I’m not crazy.” But due to my persistence, I eventually did get responses! I’ve just changed their names to protect their identities.
1. “Stop hinting. Tell me what you want.” We all wish our men could read our minds and give us what we want without us having to ask. We wish they could surprise us and make us feel treasured, cherished, and loved. But the problem with these fantasies is that they only really occur in fairy tales or movies. “Guys are dense. We don’t get it when girls hint. We need to be told,” says Pablo. “When we know what you want, we can work on doing it. Some guys like surprising their girls, but they’re rare.”
2. “Stop ignoring me when you’re mad.” My husband hates it when I do this. I don’t have to interview him to know this is something he wishes I’d change. I’ve noticed that I can get angry, I can cry, but nothing will upset him more than if I ignore him. When I do that, he feels attacked and powerless because he has no idea why I’m angry. Again, as Pablo said, they aren’t mind readers. Too bad, huh?
3. “I wish you were more sexually aggressive.” For men, sex seems more like a need than a want. It isn’t just about the pleasure they get from it, it is how they feel loved and treasured. “I wish my wife would initiate sex more often. I’m usually the one who does, and it makes me feel as if she doesn’t want sex or me as much as I want her,” shares Ethan. I guess the way we want men to be sweeter and more affectionate is the way they want us to crave sex the way they do. “I’d feel more affectionate toward her if I felt she wanted me in bed too,” adds Ethan. Give and take—isn’t that what a marriage is about, really?
4. “Support me, don’t nag me.” Isn’t this the cliché: husbands always complaining that wives nag them? “My wife is so makulit when she wants something,” divulges Anton. “Because she’s always nagging, I shut her out, which makes her nag me even more.” It’s hard not to nag when your husband doesn’t do what he’s supposed to. I remember a time when my husband was late in renewing his driver’s license. I was so tired of reminding him about it that I told his mom and had her do the nagging. What did it accomplish? Nothing. Well, nothing besides getting him really annoyed at me.
5. “Stop talking about how hot other guys are in front of me.” Guys love your attention, devotion, and adoration, just the way we love theirs. So it’s only fair that we reserve the swooning to girls’ nights out. “She hates it when I talk about other girls, but it’s okay when she eyes other guys?” complains Juan. “I don’t care if they’re unreachable actors. I just don’t like it.” If we don’t give them sex and we talk about Channing Tatum’s abs, you can’t really blame them for feeling less than adequate.
6. “Believe what I say.” “When my wife and I got married, it was as if a switch went off and she all of a sudden stopped believing what I said,” observes Lucas. “She’ll tell me something a friend told her and I’d be like, ‘I just told you that last week!’ And she’d say, ‘I didn’t believe it when you said it.’” Men like to be respected. It makes them feel loved. This is also why they don’t like being criticized or bad-mouthed in public. In fact, studies show that men prefer to be respected than loved.
Despite these wishes, John shares, “There’s nothing about my wife that I wish to change because I know that that’s the only way we will survive and have a happy marriage.” Wise words, but this can go both ways. In the end, if you want to make things better, the only person you can really change is yourself—not your partner.
Got a parenting or relationship question for Olivia? Shoot her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Olivia Yao has been writing ever since she can remember. She has written for health, teen, parenting, and children's magazines. Her latest endeavor is being a mom to her daughter—her toughest assignment yet.
Yahoo! Philippines SHE asks Pinays: What do you think your man wants you to change? What would you willingly change for your man?
Yahoo! Philippines SHE encourages responsible comments that add dimension to the discussion. No bashing or hate speech, please. You can express your opinion without slamming others or making derogatory remarks.