How to curb your envy

Thinkstock PhotoDo you catch yourself lusting after the designer bag your officemate just bought with her bonus? Or wishing your friend would show up to a dinner looking less than perfect—for once? Why is it that you can’t shake these negative feelings? You like these girls and you get along with them, but deep down, you can’t help resenting their seemingly good fortune while you suffer from just plain bad luck.    

But have you ever considered that, instead of bad luck, you could be suffering from envy? Former guidance counselor Nympha Banzon says, “Envy stems from a dissatisfaction or discontent of what one has and who one is.”  Why not ask yourself: Why do you begrudge your officemate her bag? Is it just because she can afford it while you can’t? Or is it because she works harder and puts in more hours, thus deserving her bonus, while you feel you can’t be bothered? It’s time to stop the envy. Here’s how to do that:

1.    Get to the bottom of the problem.
And believe me, it’s not your friend’s perfectly put together look or your officemate’s designer handbag. It’s something in yourself. Are you unhappy about something greater than not having what your friends have? Is there a bigger problem gnawing at your insides? Identify it and you’re on your way to fixing it.

2.    Know yourself.
Banzon suggests listing down your strengths and weaknesses. Once you’ve made your list, take a good look at the items and accept each and every one. Then, focus on your strengths and how you can enhance them.

Preacher and bestselling author Bo Sanchez, in his book Don’t Worry, Be Happy, suggests forgetting about what you aren’t good at and making your talents grow instead. If you aren’t good at baking, don’t waste your time trying to perfect a soufflé. If you channel that time into improving your already pretty awesome singing skills, who knows what recording label you might land next year?

However, weaknesses that are detrimental to your growth must be worked on as well. If you’re always late or perennially procrastinating, overcoming these flaws will surely up your productivity and potential for success! 

3.    Know that you are unique, and embrace that.
It’s easy to envy people we want to be like. Sometimes, you can put a positive spin on it by taking the qualities you admire in someone else and making them your own. But things will go downhill if you fixate on the fact that you aren’t like the person you envy—and even hate her for it. Because this really just means the person you hate is yourself. For not being like her.

Once you realize that everyone is unique, you’ll start to see that there’s no reason for envying someone else. One trick you can use is to think about your goals in life. It’s possible that you and your friends may act the same and even look the same, but do you want the same things out of life? Probably not. Keeping this in mind will help you remember that life is not a competition. At the same time, it will be easier to celebrate what’s special and unique about you. 

4.    Be thankful.
Oprah was right when she encouraged the world to keep a gratitude journal. She even suggested starting with your breath if you feel there is nothing to be grateful for. Slowly, you’ll be looking at life through a totally different perspective, wanting to find reasons to be grateful rather than focusing on what’s lacking.

5.    Distract yourself.
If you can’t seem to get all the negativity off your mind, get out of there! If you’re holed up in the office, at home in front of your computer, or at a suffocating family gathering, make an excuse and take a breather. Then find something to take your mind off it. A yoga class, an art class, or even a movie! You’ll need something to remind you that there is so much more to life than the envy eating you up inside.

6.    Do something for someone else.
The best way to battle a lack of something in yourself is to focus your energies outward. Doing something for a person who needs your help will direct your attention away from yourself. You’ll be more concerned about someone else, making you forget about your imperfections and even feel good about yourself. Banzon adds, “There is blessing in giving.”